"Well, the fun was, my accountant Larry Einbund had invited me to attend the launch of Nordoff-Robbins Musical Therapy; on the west coast. It comes from Britain, and its been highly successful there and now its spreading here. It was a wonderful event, truly great, and a genuine cause. I really liked the people involved."

"Normally, I’m very wary of charity mongers because they tend to be in it just for their ego. But this wasn’t begging bowls and all of that nonsense. It’s a valuable cause, and I just remember meningitis for me; and look at what musical therapy has done for me (laughs). In my day it was hardcore Victorian. Isolation was basically the thing, and being quite cruel, I suppose. I didn’t know who I was, and no one would tell me, and when they did, it would be like: ‘that’s it’ ‘shut up, no questions’."

"But the most hilarious thing was after the event ended; the Chrissy Hynde gig downstairs! I didn’t even know she was playing The House Of Blues that night. We met her in the car park in the way in (laughs). She thought we were coming for her! She was most perturbed to know we weren’t (laughs). It was good to see her after such a long time, and it was friends right from the first second. So I went to see them play after. And they did ‘Pretty Vacant’ with Steve Jones! No one even told us he was there! It was total, honest shock!"

"After they had finished their set Chrissy Hynde handed me the microphone and I said hello to the drummer –  I really like him he’s fun, good bloke, I know those two people really well – but Steve Jones just vanished! So I just screamed out ‘Where’s Fatty!’ ‘Will Fatty Jones please come to the stage!’ (laughs) No, he had cleared the building! (laughs)."

"It was a great night, and all for the charity event. But you know, the way the world is, I bet this will be spun around that I was just there to show off and be whatever, but who cares, the truth wins out in the end."

"I was very pleased with the Music Therapy Clinic. It was amazing. One of the people on the board was a very old proper English gentleman who spoke about the wonderful time me and him had on British Airways flight 20 years ago [puts on posh accent] “Fucking off those snobby stewards!” (laughs)."

"They gave really good little speeches. It’s good to see people doing things that are good for other people. I only went there to hear about it, but now I think I want to be involved with it. It’s a worthy thing, like I said, it’s not begging bowls. This is to help people who can’t recover quickly from illness or brain damages. It works. I know it does. Music does help the brain expand, and anything that’s broken can quickly get corrected with a good old pop ditty."

"They had put together a nice little film, and it was just excellent. It’s not a Sting / Bono led charge for glory, they don’t want to raise huge funds, it’s all very underplayed, and a bloody excellent night actually. It was fun to see Ray Cooper, the old Virgin exec there. It was good to meet him, it really was. But the biggest fun of the night was meeting Keith Emerson, of Emerson Lake & Palmer (laughs), I really got on well with him! It’s amazing how this music industry wants us to be enemies, and we’re not."

"And then a bit of a let down [puts on hushed voice] with the Chrissy Hynde gig! (laughs) No, it was great fun she was really on form. Me and John we ran straight into the downstairs. I’m not one for hanging around with celebrities up in the balcony, although it was nice to rub shoulders with Rosanna Arquette and Faye Dunaway (laughs). It’s like, Mr Rotten is here in the front row! You know, I can slam it with the best of them! It’s not bad, a 50 year old bloke, bouncing up and down, like a young whippersnapper (laughs). It would have been too easy, too cushy, to run on stage and wallow in the limelight, but I don’t need to do that. I wrote the song and the whole hall is singing it, that’s good enough for me!"

"They also had the most amazing Sid Vicious look-alike guitarist, he was about 18, he looked like a really shy, spotty, nervous young Sid (laughs), and I kept shouting ‘Hoi Sid!’ They were great, really good, excellent. Fantastico."

"The biggest laugh was, it proves that Chrissy Hynde went to a Sex Pistols gig, because she had the lyrics taped to the floor! (laughs) She was reading off the floor, as I’ve did many a time myself. Very punk! She did it quite well I gotta tell you, I would be offended if it was a bumsuck version. It was bang on the money, in a great sense of fun way. [jokey voice, shouts] The weak link was of course Steve Jones but we won’t mention that will we!" (laughs)

"Seriously, I’m not having a go at Steve because I did it in the nicest possible way, there’s no harm meant in me. Have me in the front row, bouncing up and down. I wasn’t there to shout abuse, and I didn’t even claim any royalties! (laughs) Or swear. Rambo wouldn’t let me swear in public, I tell you, this Army style discipline is way severe! (laughs). [puts on soft posh voice] After Steve Jones exited the stage, and Chrissy Hynde handed Johnny the microphone –  standing politely in the front row of the audience – Johnny ever so kindly requested that Fatty Jones please return (laughs), but Steve let his audience down once again, and apparently exited the building, (laughs), oh well, maybe I’ll catch him another time (laughs)."

"Oh, one last thing [puts on stern voice] I have one major complaint to England. The chocolates and cakes that are imported from Britain are manufactured to American standards, so they enrich the flour! It’s a major, major complaint! We can’t buy Rich Tea Biscuits in America! They are done to the American style [shouts] what is the point! Enriched for North America, what nonsense. Enriched?"

"We bought a bag of Rich Tea Biscuits, and John went: [puts on a Rambo voice] ‘These don’t taste right’ so I got my magnifying glass out and read the ingredients – and apart from the usual 24 chemicals –  the flour was tampered with, and enriched to meet American standards. They can not be fucking with our British biscuits! How dare they! I’m in an uproar on this one! I’m gonna be outside the Whitehouse next week, hands off our biscuits you Yank! That’s the original do not imitate! (laughs)

[At this point Mr Rambo interjects]

"Yes! Coleman’s Mustard is altered too, it’s the same thing. No sting, plenty of vinegar, bloody hell! An Englishmen’s mustard is his own! They’ve crossed the line, swords are drawn!"

John Lydon.
The Horses Mouth.
March 23rd 2006.